Chapter Two: The Most Eccentric Monk in History, Master Fahai

Elder Huiren was on the verge of losing his mind. Never in the history of Mount Jin Monastery had anyone managed to leave the temple and return to secular life by passing through the Eighteen Arhat Formation. Even the most skilled abbots had failed. Was today the day the rules would be broken?

And by such despicable, shameless means?

No, impossible!

“Stop him! You idiots!” Elder Huiren bellowed like a madman, but he was utterly helpless.

…

At dusk, the sun setting behind Mount Jin Monastery, the old abbot blinked his newly restored eyes, feeling a bit excited as he hummed a tune and strolled with his dog.

“Good evening, Abbot!”

“Good evening, Abbot!”

…

Along the way, monks greeted him, and the abbot nodded, satisfied. Yet he soon noticed a problem: the monks seemed to be whispering among themselves. Vaguely, he caught fragments—something about Xiao Yan… and pork…

Could it be that troublemaker Xiao Yan stirring up trouble again while he was recovering? Though a weakling, the boy was truly never at ease.

Spotting a group of monks gossiping ahead, the abbot quietly approached to eavesdrop.

“Have you heard? Yesterday, the Eighteen Arhats broke their vows! The scene was terrifying—utter carnage… That guy was a demon…”

“Yes, I was there! All eighteen collapsed together, all in tears…”

“No way! Did some master break through again? Back in the day, even the strongest abbot could only weep before the Eighteen Arhats. Do we really have such a master here?”

At this, the abbot’s ears pricked up, though he was beginning to guess who the challenger was…

“You don’t know, do you? It was the useless Xiao Yan! And guess how he did it… He used pork powder… The scene was horrifying… pork powder everywhere… All eighteen Arhats broke their vows together…”

“Oh heavens… Amitabha, this is a straight path to hell…”

Hearing “pork powder,” the abbot’s heart skipped a beat—a terrible omen. He turned and ran, panic-stricken…

He ran far, gasping for breath, and finally stopped before a dilapidated bamboo fence on the back mountain. But… where were the pigs?

Eyes wide, he scoured every corner…

Confronted with a field of pig droppings, the abbot wilted.

Gone! A whole year’s worth of pigs…

Scoundrel! Bastard! Not a single hair left…

Wait! There’s still the pork powder. The Arhat Hall might not have been cleaned yet?

With this thought, the abbot dashed off, bawling his eyes out, sniffling and sobbing all the way…

In truth, Xiao Yan wasn’t far from the abbot at that moment, squatting in a forbidden area on the back mountain, relieving himself.

Damn it… Diarrhea at the final test…

Eating half a pig at once really took its toll… Too bad there was only one. Clearly, he needed to find a way to pass the test and return to secular life soon, then he could feast to his heart’s content.

Xiao Yan’s face flushed—maybe the spot had bad feng shui. He shifted positions.

Yes… that felt better…

He always found his mind wandered while on the toilet. A year after transmigrating, he still had no system, no cheat codes…

It didn’t fit the logic of these “cool protagonist” novels…

After the relieving rush, Xiao Yan realized he was squatting in front of a tombstone.

The inscription was faded, but on close inspection, it read: “Tomb of Fahai, 18th Abbot of Mount Jin Monastery.”

…

What the hell?

A phrase floated through Xiao Yan’s mind: Fahai, Fahai, you don’t understand love.

Someone had even written a song about him. Unconsciously, Xiao Yan began to sing, “Fahai, Fahai, I don’t love you. I just want to be with him… Even if you want to deny it, Fahai…”

Wasn’t Fahai the one upholding order, notorious for breaking up love between humans and beasts or spirits, the infamous leader of the FFF Squad?

…

His singing came to an abrupt halt, stuck in his throat. Xiao Yan stared as wisps of green smoke rose from the grave before him.

Good grief, any urge to defecate vanished instantly.

A smoking grave—!

As a twenty-first century transmigrant, Xiao Yan simply couldn’t comprehend such a bizarre phenomenon.

But what happened next was even more unbelievable—a filthy old man drifted out from where Xiao Yan had just relieved himself, right atop the grave mound…

Did you expect a genie?

Terrified, Xiao Yan nearly soiled himself, but since he’d already pulled down his pants, he was spared further embarrassment.

“Who am I?” the filthy old man asked, memories muddled, as if by instinct.

…

You just emerged from my shit, and you ask who you are?

A mess of thoughts. In legends, the genie emerges from a lamp, so…

“Shit… genie?” Xiao Yan blurted out.

Was this his transmigration benefit? How utterly disgraceful…

…

The old man stared for a few seconds as memories returned.

“Did you just… leave that here?”

“Yes.” Xiao Yan, embarrassed about his diarrhea, admitted the result was less than presentable.

“But this is my grave.”

“Yes, the feng shui is good here.”

“That’s not the point.”

The old man’s bald head still puffed green smoke, clearly annoyed.

“But I ate half a pig and was here too long. My legs are numb, I can’t reach. Can you… help me wipe?”

…

From the back mountain came a scream fit for a slaughterhouse.

———————————————

Late at night in the abbot’s quarters, two men sat meditating.

Huiren was seething with indignation.

The abbot looked utterly drained.

“Abbot, Xiao Yan is a menace—a good-for-nothing, loafing around and always thinking up crooked schemes. Just yesterday, he used pork powder to make all eighteen Arhats break their vows. Such a person should be expelled from the temple!”

Once he started complaining about that brat, Elder Huiren was unstoppable.

“Yes, you have a point. But, Huiren… do you know what happened to all that pork powder?”

Mentioning the pork powder, the abbot’s despondent face suddenly glimmered once more.

“…Well, it was probably cleaned up, right?” Huiren’s voice wavered.

“You’re blushing,” the abbot stated flatly.

“No… no, I’m not.”

“I heard all eighteen Arhats had diarrhea after eating it…”

Emerging from the latrine, Huiren asked, “Abbot, what did you just say?… Oh, not again. Excuse me, abbot, I need to visit the latrine once more.”

…

The abbot gritted his teeth.

“So, Xiao Yan succeeded in passing the test?”

“No, he could have left, but for some reason, he turned back…”

…

“But when he returned, he kept mumbling something.”

“Don’t leave me hanging—what was it?”

“He kept muttering, ‘The abbot still has a dog, I can’t leave yet…’”

“What does that mean?… Damn it!”

…

For a while, the two in the abbot’s room sat in silence, then the place grew lively again. Who knows—perhaps they were practicing some supreme martial art.

Meanwhile, the forbidden graveyard was bustling too.

Fahai grinned wickedly, his gaze lecherous as he stared at Xiao Yan.

…

Xiao Yan.

“Young man, I see your bones are extraordinary—you’re a once-in-a-million martial arts prodigy. The peace of the world depends on you. I have here a secret manual…”

Xiao Yan quickly raised a hand to stop him, bewildered. “Old man, my internal strength is only at level three. What makes you think I have extraordinary bones…”

Fahai frowned, observed Xiao Yan carefully, then nodded, “Fair point.”

Looks like he couldn’t keep bluffing…

After a long moment, Fahai grinned slyly, “But don’t worry. Precisely because you’re a rookie, you need this manual even more…”

“Can’t we have a normal conversation? If not, I’m leaving.”

“Wait—don’t be in such a hurry, young man. This is a real treasure. Just take a look.”

With that, Fahai’s expression turned solemn, his lascivious grin vanishing in an instant.

Energy gathered in his dantian, internal power at level ten!

???

What the hell???

This old wretch was actually a master?

Wait…

His internal power kept rising—level twenty!

The Eighteen Arhats were only this strong…

And he was still climbing.

Level thirty!

Level forty!

Heavens… This was unbelievable…

What did forty levels even mean?

Seeing Xiao Yan’s expression, Fahai knew his point was made. He looked at his own grave mound…

“Rise!”

Something miraculous happened—the steaming pile Xiao Yan had just left behind floated into the air…

…

Xiao Yan was utterly dumbfounded.

Was this… legendary telekinetic poop?

“How about that? Impressive, right?” Fahai, having finally cleared his grave, gloated.

Without waiting for a response, Fahai slipped a small booklet into Xiao Yan’s hand and, with a flash, dove into Xiao Yan’s body.

Xiao Yan looked around in confusion. The old man had truly vanished.

Into his body?

Was this… seeing ghosts!?

But the book remained in his hand.

He looked closer. The title on the cover read:

“The Sunflower Manual”

…

So the transmigration bonus was… castration?