Chapter 17: All Women Are Big Hypocrites

At this moment, the imperial city lay in tranquil silence. Guarding its gates were only those attendants whose martial skills were unmatched. Their footsteps were noiseless, and that quiet compelled Fang Xu and Qin Suwen to unconsciously slow their pace as well.

Fang Xu stood beside Qin Suwen, lantern in hand, gazing upward at the plaque above: Imperial Kitchen.

"Well? Aren't you going in?" Qin Suwen eyed him with a provocative glance, her tone daring. Fang Xu, feeling her challenge, could only shrug helplessly.

He knew by now, Qin Suwen, this little girl, was simply determined to go against him tonight! It wasn’t as if he’d meant to provoke her earlier—how could he help it when she’d tempted him so? After all, he was a man, wasn’t he? Or, if not yet a man, at least a boy! With that thought, Fang Xu felt he was the one who deserved to feel aggrieved.

"My liege, are you planning to go in too?" Fang Xu cast a peculiar look at Qin Suwen, who followed closely behind.

“What are you staring at? If you can enter, why shouldn’t I?” Qin Suwen retorted, thrusting her chest out in defiance. By the faint glow of Fang Xu’s lantern, he instinctively swallowed.

A sharp slap shattered the night’s stillness. The echo lingered, causing the surrounding trees to tremble briefly before settling again, as if nothing had happened. Inside the Imperial Kitchen, Fang Xu glared fiercely at the pork before him, teeth clenched. The fire in the stove cast a warm glow upon both their faces, revealing a slight flush to their cheeks.

Yet there was something odd—Fang Xu’s face was unevenly red, more pronounced on one side. Behind him, Qin Suwen tugged at his sleeve, a hint of grievance in her manner. Fang Xu seemed oblivious, so she tugged again, unable to resist.

"Didn't we agree not to be angry? Why are you ignoring me... ignoring your emperor?" Qin Suwen muttered, pitifully pulling at his hem.

"I promise! There won't be a next time! Please, don’t be mad anymore!" Qin Suwen pleaded, swinging his hem as she coaxed him.

“I’m not angry! I just don’t dare turn around! Heaven knows where you’ll slap me next!” Fang Xu stared at the pork, pondering how to prepare it, but the sting on his cheek made it impossible to concentrate.

He’d only glanced at her for a moment, and Qin Suwen had slapped him without warning. Now, he wouldn’t dare look at her again, not for anything.

Yet, hearing the slight sniffle behind him, Fang Xu realized his tone may have been too harsh. Surely she wasn’t crying, was she?

Then it dawned on him—Qin Suwen was emperor; who would dare speak to her so bluntly? Everyone else was humble and deferential. True, his words had been rough. With that realization, Fang Xu resolved to apologize.

As he turned, he saw Qin Suwen dabbing at her reddened nose with a silk handkerchief, not quite crying. Glancing at the handkerchief, Fang Xu guessed that the chilly night air had made her nose run and she was merely wiping it.

But before he could ask about her health, another crisp slap landed on his cheek, echoing in the kitchen.

"Sorry! I didn’t mean it! How was I to know you’d suddenly turn around?" Qin Suwen said, blushing as she watched Fang Xu crouch by the stove, hands pressed to his swollen cheeks.

If he could, Fang Xu would have shouted, “Who’s embarrassed now? I’m the one being slapped, not you!” But he couldn’t, so he merely crouched, holding his puffy face, staring at the roaring fire.

He could still feel the burning pain on his cheek. This little girl really had a heavy hand! For someone so petite, her strength was impressive; otherwise, his face wouldn’t be so swollen and red.

"Sorry! Sorry! I swear! Really, there won’t be a next time!" Qin Suwen pressed her palms together apologetically, but Fang Xu only snorted in response.

“You said that before! Look where it got me!” he grumbled, not out of unwillingness to speak, but because he truly couldn’t manage it now.

He was at his wit’s end. He’d only come out searching for something to eat, but not only had he found nothing, he’d been slapped twice for no reason. Who had he offended?

“I swear! It was an accident! As emperor, my word is law—I promise there will not be a next time!” Qin Suwen declared solemnly. Hearing this, Fang Xu finally turned to face her, hands still cupping his cheeks, his gaze full of plaintive reproach, wary of further harm.

Seeing his expression, Qin Suwen realized she might have been too harsh. But suddenly she noticed something else—Fang Xu’s gaze seemed off. Following his eyes, she saw that her outer robe had slipped, revealing a hint of her chest.

With a crash, Fang Xu collapsed onto the floor, a crystal tear slipping from the corner of his eye. He swore he hadn’t looked at her, hadn’t even noticed her wardrobe mishap.

But Qin Suwen didn’t care. She marched over and kicked him without hesitation, leaving Fang Xu sprawled on the floor, gazing blankly up at the beams above.

“All women are—big—pork—hocks!” Fang Xu’s indignant roar echoed through the Imperial Kitchen, carrying his grievance far into the night.